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 Boris from Downunder’s All Let-Down Team:
Fellow fantasy baseball tragics, with the All-Star break fast approaching, I thought it was time to take stock of all those blokes that have collectively made mine and possibly your fantasy baseball season a disaster thusfar.
The players below are those that came with some sort of reputation and some sort of skillset that got you so fired up when you drafted them back in March or April. Unfortunately for you, they have not delivered on their promise of taking you to the fantasy promised land, they have instead dragged you under, put the brakes on and set your roster on a unstoppable course into fantasy baseball purgatory! Well I for one am not letting them get away scott free, so today, Boris from Downunder brings you his all fantasy all let-down team for 2008.
The Catcher:
Victor Martinez – this is a lay down misere. Victor, oh Victor, what have you done? Touted as the number one catcher by many, we had dreams of 25 Home Runs and 110 RBI’s as we pulled the trigger on Victor early in our drafts. The added bonus of First base eligibility was just icing on the cake. And how does Vic repay us?? A pathetic.665 OPS, 21 RBI’s, and how many home runs? NONE! Not ONE! Oh, here’s a selection of a few catchers with more home runs than “Vic the stick” – Corky Miller, Steve Holm, Jamie Burke and Gary Bennett. Household names one and all. Victor is now resting on the disabled list, getting ready to make a run at Gabor Paul Bako III (that’s his real name folks - look it up), in the second half of the season. Problem is, Gabor Paul has SIX home runs already. I’m not sure which stat is more unbelievable.
Just missed – Kenji Johjima (a .233 average, 3HR, 2SB. Can somebody tell me why they gave this guy an extension with Jeff Clement mashing in the minors?)
The first base guy:
Travis Hafner – yes, it’s Victor’s own team mate, Mr. Pronky, the weak hitting donkey. What has happened to this guy? The decline started last season, but many of us believed he was a bargain at the draft table this year, expecting a return somewhere between his 2006 & 2007 seasons – maybe around 30+ HR’s and around 100 RBI’s. What has the wonky pronky given us? A whopping 4 HR’s, 22 RBI’s and an abysmal .227 average. We all cheered when he went to the DL so we could replace him with an actual hitter. I don’t know what they put in the water in Cleveland this year, but if you make a visit, take my advice and drink beer instead. Which also helps if you happen to have Hafner on your team.
Just missed – Paul Konerko. Usually a “set and forget” guy that will get it done for you, he just never got going, and took his .215 batting average to the DL.
The second base guy:
Robinson Cano – Cano, cannot! While we all wait with baited breath for Robby to break out of his extra long slump, so far he has given us 6HR, one steal and a craptastic .245 average. After an .841 OPS last season, an .890 OPS in 2006, we can only wonder what in Hank’s name is going on with Cano - his current OPS sitting at an anemic .642. While I do expect him to have a big second half, it is starting to get more than a little scary. Robinsons you would currently be better off having on your team? Jackie Robinson, Brooks Robinson, Robinson Caruso, Robinson’s Lemon Barley water, Mrs.Robinson. In fact, Mrs. Robinson in pinstripes would be appropriate given her link with Joe DiMaggio….
Just missed – Chone Figgins. Poor old Chone just hasn’t been able to stay healthy long enough to deliver.
The short stop guy:
Troy Tulowitzki – more than likely taken not long after the big bangers at shortstop in your league, Troy’s big 2007 showed great promise for 2008. It would be fair to say that he has been a complete disaster. Even before the young fella hit the DL this season, he was the Hindenburg and the Titanic all rolled into one. 2 HR’s, a .164 batting average and a stolen base. This one hurts.
Just missed – Khalil Greene. Feel that breeze? Don’t worry. That’s just my boy Khalil whiffing again. 77 K’s and only 19 BB’s is not a pretty sight, and it all results in a Gwyneth Paltry .231 batting average. He has 8 HR’s, but that just isn’t enough to compensate. Now go and get yourself a haircut hippie.
The third base guy:
Miguel Cabrera – “Big Mig” has not been horrible, but with pre-season calls of making him a top 5 overall pick, you have to say the dude has been a disappointment. He was touted by some, in the big bopping Tigers lineup, to be capable of a 40+ HR, 130+ RBI season. What has happened? Well, he just hasn’t been the menace we have come to expect. Is it the expectation of the Detroit team being so potentially great? Is he missing the Salsa bars in Miami? Does he long for those Gloria Estefan beats? I cannot be sure, but all we have to show is 11HR and a .349 OBP, when we have come to expect .400+ OPS. Miggy has been less than Jiggy handling the pill in the field as well, so they sent him packing to the other side of the diamond.
Just missed – Bill Hall. Apologies to Ryan Zimmerman who wasn’t far away, but Billy makes my team not only for being awful, but complaining when he is told to sit his sorry butt on the pine. While Bill was not drafted early, there was an expectation that moving him back to the infield may bring back somewhere near the glory days of 2006, when he jacked 35 home runs. Hall currently has a 70/18 K/BB ratio, and is skirting the Mendoza line with a .208 batting average. A very expensive price for 10 home runs.
The outfield guys:
Andruw Jones – what does $36 million buy you these days? Well, you could splash out on 35 Bugatti Veyrons, buy a quarter of Donald Trump’s house (including his cotton candy hair), or maybe you would like to purchase the entire Florida Marlins payroll and still have $15 million in change to buy yourself a nice shirt. No? Well, how about a lollygagging, overweight, disinterested ex- All Star? You also get 2 home runs and a whopping .165 batting average! Hello? You there??? Hell-oooooooo….
Alex Rios – just like Duran Duran sang.. “His name is Rios and he dances on the sand, and every game he plays he gets paid thirty grand, and if you thought he was a 25/20 man, the bad news so far is he’s 18 bombs behind Berk-man…..” ahem, anyway, you get the picture.
Eric Brynes – whilst we may not have expected the 50 steals again, we didn’t bank on a perpetually injured guy who only managed four steals and a miniscule .209 average when he is on the park. Oh yes, it Byrnes doc. Every time I check my roster, it Byrnes….
Just missed – Gary Sheffield, Melky (“Melky Cocoa Puffs”) Cabrera, Delmon Young
“What about the rag arms?” I hear you scream!
The rotation:
Brett Myers – Mike Myers is funny. Brett Myers isn’t. A 3-9 record, an era approaching 6, his K rate down, a whopping 24 home runs given up, and a trip on the Lehigh Valley express. Not funny at all.
Aaron Harang – A 3-10 record, 133 hits in 118 innings, a 4.47 ERA. This guy is usually a horse. So far, he has been more of a dog. I don’t know why, but I still believe.
Justin Verlander – People were falling over themselves to draft Verlander this season, taking him as high as the 5th overall starter in many cases. Strikeout rate down, walk rate up, losses way up. He is slowly making some progress, but bottom line is an ugly 4-9 record with only 78 K’s in 108 innings. Yuck.
Erik Bedard – The captain of the sinking ship that is the Seattle Mariners, Erik the Viking has been anything but. Expected to be the missing piece of the puzzle that could take the franchise back to playoff contention, Bedard has struggled to stay healthy, and even when he has been able to toe the rubber, the results have been extremely disappointing. A 5-5 record, too many walks and a K rate that is way down on his 2007 season. Some believe he may be moved in a trade, but he will need to improve in his next couple of starts if he is looking for suitors.
Fausto Carmona - Last season’s wonderboy was always a hard one to predict given his low K rate, but the general consensus was that he was a very solid pick to slot into your fantasy rotation. Well, with a 38 BB to 23 K performance in 58 awful innings, the Indians decided to put him on the DL and in hiding so that fantasy owners everywhere could not hunt him down and slap him. Just terrible.
Just missed – Brad Penny, Roy Oswalt, Pedro Martinez..
The Close Guy:
J.J. Putz – drafted as the “dependable” guy after big guns Papelbon, K-Rod and Nathan were gone, poor old J.J. has had a terrible time this season. First his ribs, then his arm sent him to the DL, and in between he just never found his control. A 23/27 K/BB rate and only 7 saves is more like what you would expect from JJ Walker, not JJ Putz. Poor old Putzy has definitely been less than “Dyn-O-Mite”!! For your fantasy roster in 2008.
Just missed – Joe Borowski. Joe has pretty much been chucking pies down from the hill all season. Joe has an ERA of 7.56. Sometimes an ERA does not tell the full story with pitchers. This is not one of those cases.
Manny Corpas – no truth to the rumour that he has changed his name to “Many Corpses” to reflect his early season performance.
Hopefully the above scathing report can jolt these duds into life and give you at least some enjoyment in the second half of the season – unless of course you were lucky enough to dump them on some other poor , wide eyed fantasy sucker, in which case you can hope that they continue their impotent performance until they serenade us all once more in 2009 with a “lights out” spring training.….
Until next time, from the land of echidnas, woomeras and the current men’s and women’s world surfing champions, Boris is OUT!
Tags: All Let-Down Team Victor Martinez. Travis Hafner Robinson Cano Troy Tulowitzki Miguel Cabrera Andruw Jones Alex Rios Eric Byrnes Brett Myers Justin Verlander Erik Bedard Fausto Carmona J.J. Putz
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I have nothing against the guy Lenny, but he flat takes away from your show. You have votes on all sorts of things...put a poll up about limiting Tony's comments to the written word. 